How many times have you been in a situation when you thought "What the hell am I doing here?"
e.g. One of your friends forwards you a link to his blog..you log in and take pains to read it only to think “what the hell am I doing here “ .
Well now that you have logged in..read it through..here are some situations.
1. In a project meeting, when you have no Idea of what is being discussed,and your PM suddenly asks you the question "Mohit what do you think about the isotonic affect of the photo electrolysis on this zitron", what do you say to yourself??
2. When you go to take a shit and all your ass offers you is a solitary fart, what do you say to yourself?
3. What does our prime minister think when he goes to office in the morning ??
4.When you go to a wedding of the daughter of the sister of your mother's cousin's aunt , thinking that you might bump into some hot chick and all you find is a bunch of aunties looking at you with that "future son in law " face, what do you say to yourself ??
5. When you turn up for a blind date and you come to know that your date was actually a bunch of friends who succeeded in making an ass of you..what does your heart say ?
6. When you go to take a leak in the men’s room and you find your boss standing besides you in the urinal(Not applicable to females)..well what do you think then ?
7. You manage to get stag entry in a swanky night club only to find that you are the only stag present there..ofcourse with the cover charge.
8. Fielding at boundary in a cricket match..with still 75.2 overs to go..
9. A meeting with your ex-love ..when you know things are not same anymore..and coffee tastes bad too.
10.When you are traveling in an elevator from floor 1 to floor 100 with 7 people and one of them blasts a silent killer fart on the 43rd floor, what do you think for the rest 57 floors.
11. On a date with a babe hoping for some action..only to find that she has already thought you with a ‘Sehra’ on your head and a mare beneath your ass and she keeps testing you for your compassion , qualities, booze intake, chivalry etc..etc..What do you think then?
There is only one answer to all of the real life intoxicating situations “ What the hell am I doing here”. I think this soon will be my anthem as I climb the maturity ladder.
Friday, November 16, 2007
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
My big fat online profile
Everywhere I go people ask me why did I quit orkut, well here is the story in correct chronology
After being coaxed by three hundred and thirty four friends, acquaintances, project mates, family and my dog I decided to join Orkut- an online community for people ( read jobless) to socialise and make new "friends". Keeping in mind that the male species is biologically programmed to enhance their race by screwing as many females as possible in their (re)productive years orkut came in as a handy tool for males ( read horny) to start the job ,though subconciously. As for the female species well they just need a reason to talk and people to worship them every now and then ,who they found in large number of admirers they got the moment they came online, so as you see that both the species had their fancies and interests solved, the platform was an instant hit. Actually such a ripper that I instead of working in my office am forced to write about it(I forced myself)!! Anyways coming to the story..From the prehistoric times the male I mean the real full bodied no nonsense pre historic male not the historic males of the likes of Shahjahan or king George who loved roses and built monuments for their women, though the monument in question is really amazing ..but still.The real pre historic male when the rules of the male kind were being written, is not the talkative gender, the conversation if at all happened was limited to some grunts and scratching(bollocks) and it happened as a form of warning when the predators attacked. Then the times changed and changed so much that they got us here when we needed internet to connect us with more people ,as if the morons around us were not enough. Talking about the internet which was developed by the US military department to secretely store Paris Hilton videos and is termed as the second best invention by a man after wheel( I mean the internet NOT Paris Hilton) , I am sure the pre historic man would be happier if it was Paris Hilton.
Anyways the videos were taken to Gulf by some soldiers for entertainment during the Gulf war and landed in the hands of enemies and that is from there that they were termed as weapons of mass destructions as many enemy troops died while watching it, the reason not being the videos but that in order to keep their hands free for you know what, they had to leave the gun and were shot by the US soldiers.
So real men are the direct descendants of the pre historic man although more civilised as we do talk more than grunts and we do not scratch in public, we do it in private as you would know that if they are there they itch and if they itch they have to be scratched , its really not rocket science. So I am sure men who dont scratch dont have, and these men have multiple online profiles.So when I finally made myself globally available by putting up my profile there I instantly got forty seven friend requests of which forty six being men( debated) and the other being a really cute girl and I couldnt figure out why she wanted me as a friend of all relations I can offer. Anyways, as I am not rude or more like I dont care I started accepting those and the number kept creeping up, then came a time when I would log in to see what my crush at school looks like now , I would suddenly get a ping( scrap ) from an old college friend who thought he was the yellow flower in microsoft windows wall paper ( thats what he put in place of his photograph).
Scrap 1 : hiiiieeee wassssssssuup ??
And the scrap was diligently ignored, and I logged out coz my crush at school had her relationship status as "committed" .
Scene 2 , I am sitting idle in office so I thought it would be nice to see if she changed her status( as I am a direct descendant I cant help) or if I could catch hold of the guy she was dating ....I login again.And there was a sequel to the flower story..a second scrap....
Scrap 2 : Heyyyyyyy bhooool gaye kya ? you did not reply to my scrap..anyways wassssssuuuuuppp!!
My prehistoric mind said : Get a life flower!! or start self polinating..but my civilised mind kept me composed and the scrap was ignored. Being bugged by my innumerous failed attempts to ignore flowers, my desire to see the status changed to 'single' kept me going. But then it happened one day..the status finally changed ....to 'married' and that is when I decided to go back to my cave and quit all the wordly desires of the second best invention( modern internet). So here I am free and one of the few living examples of pre history!!..with the Paris Hilton tapes (WMD).
After being coaxed by three hundred and thirty four friends, acquaintances, project mates, family and my dog I decided to join Orkut- an online community for people ( read jobless) to socialise and make new "friends". Keeping in mind that the male species is biologically programmed to enhance their race by screwing as many females as possible in their (re)productive years orkut came in as a handy tool for males ( read horny) to start the job ,though subconciously. As for the female species well they just need a reason to talk and people to worship them every now and then ,who they found in large number of admirers they got the moment they came online, so as you see that both the species had their fancies and interests solved, the platform was an instant hit. Actually such a ripper that I instead of working in my office am forced to write about it(I forced myself)!! Anyways coming to the story..From the prehistoric times the male I mean the real full bodied no nonsense pre historic male not the historic males of the likes of Shahjahan or king George who loved roses and built monuments for their women, though the monument in question is really amazing ..but still.The real pre historic male when the rules of the male kind were being written, is not the talkative gender, the conversation if at all happened was limited to some grunts and scratching(bollocks) and it happened as a form of warning when the predators attacked. Then the times changed and changed so much that they got us here when we needed internet to connect us with more people ,as if the morons around us were not enough. Talking about the internet which was developed by the US military department to secretely store Paris Hilton videos and is termed as the second best invention by a man after wheel( I mean the internet NOT Paris Hilton) , I am sure the pre historic man would be happier if it was Paris Hilton.
Anyways the videos were taken to Gulf by some soldiers for entertainment during the Gulf war and landed in the hands of enemies and that is from there that they were termed as weapons of mass destructions as many enemy troops died while watching it, the reason not being the videos but that in order to keep their hands free for you know what, they had to leave the gun and were shot by the US soldiers.
So real men are the direct descendants of the pre historic man although more civilised as we do talk more than grunts and we do not scratch in public, we do it in private as you would know that if they are there they itch and if they itch they have to be scratched , its really not rocket science. So I am sure men who dont scratch dont have, and these men have multiple online profiles.So when I finally made myself globally available by putting up my profile there I instantly got forty seven friend requests of which forty six being men( debated) and the other being a really cute girl and I couldnt figure out why she wanted me as a friend of all relations I can offer. Anyways, as I am not rude or more like I dont care I started accepting those and the number kept creeping up, then came a time when I would log in to see what my crush at school looks like now , I would suddenly get a ping( scrap ) from an old college friend who thought he was the yellow flower in microsoft windows wall paper ( thats what he put in place of his photograph).
Scrap 1 : hiiiieeee wassssssssuup ??
And the scrap was diligently ignored, and I logged out coz my crush at school had her relationship status as "committed" .
Scene 2 , I am sitting idle in office so I thought it would be nice to see if she changed her status( as I am a direct descendant I cant help) or if I could catch hold of the guy she was dating ....I login again.And there was a sequel to the flower story..a second scrap....
Scrap 2 : Heyyyyyyy bhooool gaye kya ? you did not reply to my scrap..anyways wassssssuuuuuppp!!
My prehistoric mind said : Get a life flower!! or start self polinating..but my civilised mind kept me composed and the scrap was ignored. Being bugged by my innumerous failed attempts to ignore flowers, my desire to see the status changed to 'single' kept me going. But then it happened one day..the status finally changed ....to 'married' and that is when I decided to go back to my cave and quit all the wordly desires of the second best invention( modern internet). So here I am free and one of the few living examples of pre history!!..with the Paris Hilton tapes (WMD).
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